From Cocoon to Butterfly: A Social Caterpillar’s Guide to Events

Melinda Seckington

Dec 11, 2024 — 6 min read

People are often surprised to learn that I used to consider myself an introvert. I speak at conferences, interact with many people, and am rarely the quietest person in the room.

I don’t fit the usual image of an introvert.

For me, introversion and extraversion are all about energy: what recharges you and what drains you? Extroverts find energy in interaction: they recharge by being around people and interacting with what’s outside themselves. Introverts, on the other hand, get their energy from reflection; they recharge by looking inward, being alone, or in smaller, more controlled social settings.

I believe it's a scale: we all recharge from different things. I wrote about this a few months back in my post "Where Do You Get Your Energy From?"

It’s so much more complex than introvert/extrovert. We all have things that drain us and energise us, and we need to carve out time to do things that give us more energy.
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Find out what energises you. And make the most out of what life throws your way.

Regardless of where you think you sit on this scale, I do believe that, generally speaking, people who consider themselves extroverts are likely to be more social and outgoing, while introverts are often quieter and more reserved. But that’s not always the case. You can have shy extroverts. And you can have introverts who are social and outgoing.

I like to think of myself as a “social caterpillar”.

We’re like social butterflies, jumping from one event to the next, being social and outgoing, but we must work much harder for our moments of being butterflies. We need to balance being social with being alone, and making sure that we're managing our energy and our activities.

So, how do you recognise a social caterpillar in the wild? For now, I’ve come up with 4 characteristics:

🐛 Cocoon

Every caterpillar needs a cocoon. At busy events, we will need a moment to retreat back into ourselves to recharge. This can manifest in different ways: understand what it is that you need. Maybe that is quiet alone time. Or maybe it's talking about a specific topic. Or talking to a friend.

Figure out what your cocoon is. Take a breath of fresh air outside, a long break, or even intensely staring at your phone. Switch the topic of the conversation to be about something you can't shut up about. It’s all about having a moment to yourself, even if you find yourself in the midst of a crowd or in the middle of a conversation.

🔍 Antenna

We enjoy interaction, but it doesn’t have to happen in big groups or face-to-face. Thanks to social networks, social caterpillars can move energy-draining activities to the online world. Plus, it allows us to digest the interaction asynchronously, making connections before or after an event. We’ll also often take notes, photograph, or blog about the event, which, as an extra benefit, allows us to retreat behind our gadgets.

🌿 Consume

Caterpillars consume their environment. My interpretation: social caterpillars will analyse their surroundings, using all their senses to their advantage. We’ll research the events we’re going to and figure out beforehand who will be there, what they do and who might be potentially interesting to meet. We’ll observe and listen until we figure out the best way to approach a situation.

🦋 Fly

We will have our moments of being butterflies. We’ll be social and outgoing, meeting and interacting with new people, talking about things we love, and doing whatever we feel comfortable doing. We'll also push ourselves to do things we might not feel comfortable with, like talking to strangers or giving a talk.

Do you recognise the above characteristics? Maybe you're a social caterpillar, too!

Over the years, I’ve picked up a few strategies for navigating events as a social introvert. Here are some tips that might help you:

Recognise what recharges you

Identify what helps you recharge. Pay attention to how you feel during and after events to understand what activities or moments you need.

You can start by reflecting on what helps you feel most at ease. Is it stepping outside for fresh air, listening to music, or finding a quiet spot to check your phone? If alone time recharges you, scope out the event space for quiet areas or plan to step outside for a quick break. If you draw energy from familiar connections, check who else might be attending and arrange to meet up with someone you know.

Alternatively, consider how diving into a topic you’re passionate about could help you stay engaged. Look for sessions or conversations that align with your interests, so you can channel your energy into discussions that excite you. Knowing what recharges you and preparing for it will allow you to prepare for the event.

Plan your downtime

Look at the event schedule beforehand and identify when and where you can take breaks. Find a quiet corner or a cafe nearby if you need some alone time. If you’re travelling for an event, consider staying at a nearby hotel to give yourself an easy escape route.

Don't feel you need to attend every session or participate in every part of the event. Understand what you need to do to make the parts you join valuable. That means sometimes having a 1:1 conversation rather than going into a talk or a workshop. Don’t feel guilty about skipping an activity if it means preserving your energy for later. A short recharge break can make a world of difference.

Set goals

Decide what you want from the event. Is your goal to meet new people, learn something new, or have fun? Maybe it’s meeting three new people, attending a particular talk, or even just soaking up the atmosphere. Having a clear focus can help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed.

Write your goals down before you arrive, and revisit them to see how you’re doing. Be realistic about what you can achieve, and don’t forget to celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem. Even initiating one conversation can feel like a big win!

Bring or find a friend

Connect with others who understand your rhythm and preferences. This could mean meeting a friend beforehand and bringing them along or joining a group that shares your interests. Sometimes, having a like-minded person to check in with makes all the difference.

If you’re attending alone, consider finding quieter spots where others might be retreating too. You’d be surprised how many meaningful connections you can make with people who share your need for a breather. I once went to an event where I used the hashtag #SocialIntroverts to connect with others who were just as quiet as I was.

Celebrate your Butterfly moments

Social caterpillars often have moments when they fly: when the cocoon opens, and they feel like a social butterfly. These moments can feel amazing, but they might also take some effort to achieve. Recognise these successes and celebrate them, whether it’s a great conversation, a new connection, or sharing your thoughts in a group.

Push yourself gently out of your comfort zone by saying yes to exciting opportunities. Maybe it’s introducing yourself to someone new or participating in a discussion. Once you’ve had your butterfly moment, be sure to reflect on what made it special and rewarding. It’s these experiences that make all the preparation and effort worthwhile.

Recognise that every event is an opportunity to grow and to do something different. It could be a single interaction or a moment of bravery; these small wins add up over time and can build your confidence for future events.

In a world that celebrates extroverted traits, social introverts can quickly feel out of place or misunderstood. We may look like butterflies at one moment and retreat into our cocoons the next, which can confuse others. But this duality is also our strength.

Social caterpillars balance group dynamics. We often quietly observe and make thoughtful contributions or connections that might otherwise be missed. Our ability to switch between being social and reflective allows us to engage deeply and meaningfully. This adaptability makes us valuable in teams, events, and communities.

So, yeah, I’m a social caterpillar.

If you’re a social caterpillar, too, embracing both sides of yourself is essential: the moments of interaction and the moments of retreat. Neither makes you more or less “introverted”; they’re just part of your rhythm.

So: don’t take it personally if you ever see me at an event and I’m walking away in the other direction. I just need some space and time to become that butterfly.

I’m curious to hear from you now. Are you an introvert, an extrovert, or somewhere in between?

And all you social caterpillars, tell me your stories! What do you do at events?